Borderline Schizoid

‘’I feel cut off completely. Snatched from the umbilical cord of faith. Nobody understands, and nobody is here to catch me if I fall. I am alone. Work doesn’t understand. Work WAS the one thing I was living for; it made me feel competent at something. But that’s not the case anymore. I fucked up on a closing once — the first one by myself — and now I have to ‘demonstrate’ that I can in fact close. And I won’t be rostered on until I can. I have been feeling absolutely low lately and I fucking hate it. Nobody understands what I need. I need social interaction, the assurance I am a ‘likable’ person, a feeling of worth and value, to be loved and accepted for who I really am; to feel heard and validated and like I matter… But I don’t get that. Who are my friends??? Lily, Ayiesha, Michael, Dylan, Casey? That is probably all’’ — written sometime around March. Now I can’t really say with any certainty who my friends are, because this pandemic has somehow worked relentlessly to plateau everything in my horizon, including my social life, on a terrifying scale.

Earlier this year, my therapist showed me some pages of ‘’Borderline, Narcissistic & Schizoid Adaptations: the pursuit of love, admiration & safety’’, as she opened my eyes to a whole new way of perceiving things. She explained to me that someone with a Borderline personality is lacking in/pursuing love; the Narcissistic personality pursuing admiration; and the Schizoid personality pursuing safety. As she told me this, she said she didn’t think I was generally ‘Borderline’ (I think, as in she means I am a quiet borderline sub-type with schizoid traits and tendencies); that my issue in relationships was focused more on the preoccupation with safety and not exactly love as such — for example a *textbook* ‘Borderline’ would be deprived of, and thirsty for love. They idealize their ‘favorite people’ because they make them feel loved and whole. Without the love of others they struggle deeply. I’m not like that.

So, upon doing some thorough research, I learned that the Schizoid personality is termed as an ‘introversion-based schizophrenia spectrum personality type’ that falls under the Cluster A (Schizotypal, Schizoid and Paranoid) of personality disorders — this particular cluster represents odd & eccentric behaviors; with individuals noted to see the world as being ‘out of line’, rather than themselves being ‘out of sync’ with the world around them. Others generally consider them to be overly self-centered. Schizoid starts in early adulthood as a way of adapting to a home situation that contained some combination of abuse, neglect, and intrusion by caregivers. Tending to report that by age 7 they realized they could not count on anyone to have their best interests at heart — deciding at a young age thus, that the safest and best choice was to become fully independent as soon as possible, control how much contact they have with other people, and to be very cautious about whom they trust. They want to maintain their autonomy and keep other people at what feels like a safe interpersonal distance.

The ‘schizoid dilemma’ (Ralph Klein, 1995): feeling unsafe when in intimate relationships; but when they retreat to a safe distance, they may go too far and then find it difficult to reconnect with other people. When that happens, they are prone to falling into a very specific type of depression, characterized by existential despair — the sense that life is inherently meaningless, and that real human connection is impossible. Schizoid fears include the loss of independence, being controlled by other people, being viewed as a tool to be used instead of as a real person with rights and feelings, and having their work or belongings appropriated by other people…

There is a lack of interpersonal relationships and a lack of desire to seek such relationships, and they tend to organize their lives in a manner that results in limited interaction with others. My therapist told me that the schizoid thinks of themselves as observers rather than as participants in the world around them; they manifest a tendency to sacrifice intimacy in order to preserve the autonomy that is required to maintain beliefs of self-sufficiency and independence; that they are often viewed as withdrawn, reclusive, isolated and like to be ‘silently understood’. The depersonalisation experienced by individuals with SPD, resulting from lack of contact/emotional engagement with others, may engender preoccupations with fantasy, and, for some, brief psychotic or manic episodes. There are believed to be 2 types: the ‘Affect-constricted’, with Schizotypal traits — Asocial, eccentric, imperceptive and undiplomatic persons who seek to be alone & have difficulty in relationships with peers, frequently resulting in social ostracization and scapegoating; and ‘Seclusive’, with Avoidant traits — Shy, socially backward, inept, obedient persons who are fearful & therefore isolated, but appreciate sociability and would like to be part of the crowd. I most definitely fall under this latter category.

Schizoids believe that their feelings of love destroy the other and/or lead to their own destruction, and it is believed by the individual that the less painful solution is to be alone in order to avoid painful social interactional ambivalence. Common thoughts or beliefs consist of: ‘’life is a lot easier without the interference of others’’, and ‘’what is the point of relationships?’’. Emotional deprivation in childhood plays a critical role — as a consequence of this and an inability to gain security; a lack of satisfaction in interpersonal relationships, and maladaptive schemas and associated cognitive behaviour, can be observed as components in attachment distortion and painful loneliness that are crucial in the schizoid development. Imagined advantages of isolation are safety for the true self, isolation and hence freedom from others, self-sufficiency, and control. Theories suggest the experience of loss and/or inability to cope with a rejecting mother may be at the core of schizoid development. For example, grief — guilt is there because of a lack of separation between inside and outside, and also as a defense mechanism to protect the self against unbearable feelings of intense sadness & sorrow, and subsequently the internal object against the unbearable rage of the self; which can destroy the internal.

They can have difficulties in understanding themselves owing to the conflicting elements of the inner personality — seen as one variant of BPD organisation, their internal worlds are populated by contradictory self-images; one set composed of idealized or frightening aspects of internalized others, and another split into both shameful and exalted self-images. As a result, there is a persistent state of subjective unreality & identity diffusion, which leads to the chronic feelings of emptiness. The frightening aspects of internal others will be projected to the external world and may result in a fearful, paranoid attitude and associated social withdrawal and loneliness. The disorder represents a failure to resolve interaction, intimacy & attachment conflicts further along in the developmental process, specifically, during separation/individuation sub-phase. It can be considered an intraspsychic constellation of over-sensitivity, paralysis & paradoxical conflicts (e.g fear of, as well as hunger, for affection & intimacy) as a result of social/emotional rejection, neglect, trauma, bad influences, conflicts, envy, shame, self-hate, low self-esteem — because of their failure to successful development, interactions, socialization and loneliness, rather than indifference to social interactions.

An endurable combination of deep suffering and social isolation makes the schizoid development more and more persistent and deep-anchored. People with schizoid are driven into hiding by fear, then experience a deep sequestered loneliness that provides the drive to come out of hiding and to go back into the adaptive interface with the world. They tend towards great passivity and look only to themselves as sources of validation and enhancement, however their lack of positive affiliation and affective indifference often put them in a position to be easily taken advantage of by others, and at times they may struggle with personal feelings of social isolation and alienation.

It is suggested that a schizoid individual in one sense is trying to be omnipotent by enclosing within their own being, without recourse to a creative relationship with other, modes of relationship that require the effective presence to him of other people and of the outer world. ‘Aggression’, a defense mechanism used in people with SPD may contribute to a new construction of self, more visible as a result of enhanced assertive, extrovert, direct & confronting attitude, in an unconscious attempt to become more interesting and colorful for other people. An expression of aggressive resistance could be interpreted as assertive behaviour, refusal to remain an outcast (that is normally absent in schizoid persons) and opportunity to rigorous transformation, and it might be an important step of ‘being in the world’ and becoming released from loneliness.

Withdrawal serves to protect the schizoid in the face of psychological collapse — caught between external and internal conflicts, the person may withdraw into primitive protective method of autistic encapsulation, and life is endured in a state of isolation, ambivalence & confusion. Feels an intense need of intimacy, but the intrapsychic conflicts that inhibit the development of intimacy, are a fear of FUSION, a fear of object loss, paranoid and schizoid anxieties, and sexual anxieties. The legacy for the child is that their life force threatens mother; equivalent to the child experiencing that their life threatens hers. The child copes with this situation by splitting the self; the person is left with a deep and painful intimacy-hunger, dread, and isolation. Social and emotional health is critical in early childhood, the ‘developing capacity to form secure relationships, experience and regulate emotions, and explore & learn.’ Without these capacities children cannot successfully participate in social interactions, manage conflict, form intimate connections, express empathy to others, and develop a positive sense of who they are.

Factors that influence development:

1. Intrauterine environment during pregnancy (nutrition, stress, and so forth)

2. Endowments at birth (genetics etc)

3. Physical and cultural environment and the presence of risk factors that impinge on optimal care (poverty, violence)

4. Quality and nature of upbringing

Trauma is toxic stress that is prolonged, occurs without the scaffolding of adult support and overwhelms coping mechanisms. A psychologically distressing event that is outside the range of normal childhood experience and involves a sense of intense fear, terror, and helplessness.

Types of neglect:

• Physical (inadequate food or clothing)
• Supervisory (failing to ensure appropriate supervision suitable to age and development)
• Developmental (stimulation, physical and social)
• Emotional (failure to meet child’s emotional needs)
• Trans-generational disadvantage, with one generation who experienced trauma parenting another.

Neural networks develop based on repetitive use. Repetitive provision of comfort to a child when aroused stimulates the development of neural pathways that assist the child to self-regulate and calm physiological arousal. On the other hand, chaotic episodic experiences that are out of sync with a child’s developmental stage create chaotic, developmentally delayed dysfunctional organisation. The connections the brain makes as neural pathways develop become hard-wired. Chronic neglect in the early years, including the lack of persistent patterned processes of stimulation and absent, inconsistent or unpredictable emotional attunement, leads to a disorganized and structurally underdeveloped brain.

Trauma in infancy and childhood leads to neural pathways being established in the brain that are highly responsive to threat. As a consequence children will be aroused by the perception of threat, but since the neocortex is not fully developed, will not be able to calm or soothe themselves. Chronic neglect results in cumulative harm- the infant/young child does not receive assistance to manage inevitably overwhelming experiences which, for other children, may be stressful, but not toxic. Children exposed to significant threat will ‘reset’ their baseline state of arousal, such that even at baseline — when no external threats or demands are present — they will be in a physiological state of persisting alarm. Adaptation to this climate of constant danger requires a state of constant alertness. Children in an abusive environment develop extraordinary abilities to scan for warning signs of attack. They learn to recognize subtle changes in facial expression, voice, and body language as signals of danger, intoxication or dissociation. This nonverbal communication becomes highly automatic and occurs for the most part outside of conscious awareness.

Responses to threat:

• Hyper-arousal (fight or flight) — increased focus on survival and decreased cognitive capacity. Behaviors can look like agitation, hyperactivity, defiance & aggression
• Dissociation (freeze) — shutting down; a feeling of detachment or being removed from an event and watching from a distance

The fight, flight, and freeze responses in children are the activation of the threat response but can be mistaken for a range of behavioral problems.

TRAUMA OF FAMILY VIOLENCE

• Hearing/observing violence,
• Direct assault,
• Managing complex, often ambivalent feelings about the perpetrator.
• Assault during pregnancy — infants may be exposed In Utero to risk of injury or elevated stress hormones in the mother that may impact on fetal development.

SYMPTOMS IN INFANTS & YOUNG CHILDREN

• Regression/loss of recently acquired skills
• Disturbance to sleep and feeding
• Clinginess, indiscriminate attachment
• Fussiness, difficulty in soothing, hyperactivity, withdrawal & lack of responsiveness

IN OLDER CHILDREN

• Sleep disturbance/nightmares-
• Difficulty in seeking or accepting comfort
• Regression
• Loss of self-esteem and confidence
• Aggression
• Problems with anxiety & fearfulness
• Poorer academic performance

Children with complex trauma show a range of problematic behaviours. These are due to the immediate consequences of being in a state of constant alarm, the disruption to living & family relationships, as well as the way the trauma/neglect interferes with normal development processes.

IMPAIRED DEVELOPMENT IN CHILDREN VIA TRAUMA

• Difficulties with self-regulation impact on the child’s ability to know which information is important to pay attention to and which is not
• Difficulty concentrating, problem solving & organizing narrative materials
• Delays in language, social skills, and motor skills impact directly on learning, comprehension & expression
• Inability to understand cause and effect and to see themselves as capable of achieving goals
• Difficulties with managing strong feelings and the consequent social problems with peers and adults
• A distorted sense of self due to violence/neglect can lead to problems in taking other perspectives and empathy
• Bed-wetting and other toileting problems are common
• Children may have an internalized sense of self that expects failure, does not foresee a hopeful future & has difficulty making and carrying out plans — all are important to formal learning
• Parent’s ‘’traumatized worldview’’ is learned

SPLITTING: (major defense mechanism used by the Schizoid) In the first few months of life, anxiety is experienced as fear of persecution, and the infant views the world as either ‘good’ or ‘bad’ — The child then proceeds to introject (internalize and assimilate) the good object while keeping out (defending) the bad objects. The infant projects parts of themselves unto the bad object. Splitting allows good to stay separate from bad.

HYPER-VIGILANCE — often on-guard for an ever-present threat. Living in a false reality — unsure of what is happening and can often anticipate a lot of bad things at all times. We tend to take things very seriously — we often don’t know how else to interpret things to try to keep ourselves safe. When you say something, we tend to believe you. When we run into people who are disingenuous, flaky, gas lighters, or the type of people who try and ‘’test’’ those around them with outlandish statements, we can get very confused. In C-PTSD, there may have been someone who normalized abusive statements towards us and made it seem as though we should accept them, then they would flip back into ‘’love bombing’’ to earn our trust back. We are used to people who flip back and forth between criticizing and praising us. We are used to living in contradictory environments. We are also conditioned to be on high alter for these people at all times and our safety can suddenly feel very threatened. Triggers and alarm bells.